Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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