do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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