Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
