She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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