you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
