I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
