I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
