I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
