Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
