he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
