i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Randomize
