these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
