DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
