4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
