When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
