Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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