hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
