drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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