Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
