life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
