But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
