...so i touched it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
