so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
