the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
