There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just pee around me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
