yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
