a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
