all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I forget how to act sober
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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