Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
