how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
