WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize