Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no, he came in my armpit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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