Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
