I am puke
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
