I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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