Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Randomize
