My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
