just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
