I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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