Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize