You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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