WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
