Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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