i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
