I am puke
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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