Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A bitchslap is in order.
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