He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
