I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
