maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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