great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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