WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
