I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
