Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
