When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How naked do you want me to be?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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