he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
