he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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