I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
