Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize