thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
