I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
