did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
