Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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