I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
