I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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