I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
