Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
