Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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