JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
