i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
