I hate your face
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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