you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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