i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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