Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
