you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
