I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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