Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
