My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
