Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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